Midlife crisis?

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GeoffBUK
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Midlife crisis?

#1

Post by GeoffBUK » Sat Nov 19, 2022 3:58 am

Anybody experienced mid life turmoil, how'd that resolve, did you ride it out?, get help? medicate?

Male, 45yrs old

My libido was high in my twenties like most men, then settled down in my thirties, at 45 it's through the F**king roof, Which isn't great, lots of itch not much scratch, along with the libido, the restlessness I had in my twenties is back, and I'm starting to wonder if this is what the rest of my life's gonna be, capitalism pushing down the working class standard of living, work eat sleep rinse and repeat, maybe post COVID everybody's in a rut, I dunno

Is this it?

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GlasgowJock
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#2

Post by GlasgowJock » Sat Nov 19, 2022 6:47 am

No significant other or kid(s) to live vicariously through?

The recent Autumn budget courtesy of the TINOs (Tories In Name Only) evidenced most of us are boarding the austerity/ recession train for a longer journey than is possibly necessary so the rest of the 2020s are pretty much a write off for us working class wankers.

Least we have lager and prescription meds.

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mgil
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#3

Post by mgil » Sat Nov 19, 2022 8:45 am

Where’s @Hanley to offer words of encouragement?

All is suffering; death is a release. Something like that.

Really, it’s just the grind of life and reality fully sinking in. I’ve got kids approaching college age and now trying to figure that out. New hires at work call me their work dad.

Really, the point is to resist the principle of least action. Do better, or whatever.

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Culican
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#4

Post by Culican » Sat Nov 19, 2022 9:16 am

I quit a fairly good paying job when I was 46, moved 500 miles away, went back to school and finished the degree I never finished straight out of high school, moved to another state, and ... all of the sudden I am 67.

I am glad I did all of that. And I look back on my forties very fondly.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#5

Post by Hardartery » Sat Nov 19, 2022 1:35 pm

I sold and uprooted to do something fulfilling. Still doing it. I've been all over the world, both for recreation and in doing volunteer work, all on my own dime. I didn't realistically have the money to do that when I did it, I should have been worried about having enough for a real retiremant and all that. I walked away from a business that was finally where I wanted it. I regret nothing. I have more money now than I did then, I do good things for people, and I get the opportunity to enjoy myself as well. Screw the treadmill everyone else is on. I am 50 now, and I did that almost 10 years ago. You can find work online anywhere you go. The last thing I wanted to do was get to retirement and then die 2 weeks later.

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Hanley
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#6

Post by Hanley » Sat Nov 19, 2022 5:47 pm

mgil wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 8:45 am Where’s @Hanley to offer words of encouragement?
Pro-tip: if you find yourself married to an extraordinarily beautiful, strong, intelligent, wealthy woman, ask for a divorce because - well - you're not really sure why.

The "what the fuck have I done" rumination will overwhelm any sense of mid-life restlessness.

Then bench a lot.

###

If you aren't currently married to an extraordinarily beautiful, strong, intelligent, wealthy woman and you're experiencing mid-life restlessness -- take the heroic dose of mushrooms.

###

We suffer; we die.

Listen to the wind through the trees tonight.

GeoffBUK
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#7

Post by GeoffBUK » Sun Nov 20, 2022 1:30 am

Thanks everyone, I don't know how to partial quote anyone's posts, @mgil the principle of least action things
Interesting, it's something I've been guilty of a lot, indecisive until the decisions are made by others or the events just play out themselves and go with the flow

Married but the wheels feel off a long time ago, #it is what it is,
At least we do indeed have lager

@Hanley or as my ma would say, in a hundred years we'll all be dead anyway!

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#8

Post by SnakePlissken » Sun Nov 20, 2022 4:43 am

Culican wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 9:16 am I quit a fairly good paying job when I was 46, moved 500 miles away, went back to school and finished the degree I never finished straight out of high school, moved to another state, and ... all of the sudden I am 67.

I am glad I did all of that. And I look back on my forties very fondly.
This is an interesting take. I got my Bachelors and went straight into the work force, but have always wondered if I should've gotten a Masters. Fast forward to now and my girlfriend will have a PhD and a Veterinarian doctorate soon and all of her friends are PhDs and/or vets too and it makes me regret not taking an accelerated Masters (it would've been just 1 more year of college). I lost the drive to go back to school especially since I already make decent money and am not really "hungry" anymore. Wonder if that drive will ever just hit me all of a sudden.

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mbasic
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#9

Post by mbasic » Wed Nov 23, 2022 4:43 am

GeoffBUK wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 3:58 am Anybody experienced mid life turmoil, how'd that resolve, did you ride it out?, get help? medicate?

Male, 45yrs old

My libido was high in my twenties like most men, then settled down in my thirties, at 45 it's through the F**king roof, Which isn't great, lots of itch not much scratch, along with the libido, the restlessness I had in my twenties is back, and I'm starting to wonder if this is what the rest of my life's gonna be, capitalism pushing down the working class standard of living, work eat sleep rinse and repeat, maybe post COVID everybody's in a rut, I dunno

Is this it?
I guess I'm going thru my own midlife crisis as well. Its nice to admit to myself this is whats happening.

50. Just fuck

I don't want to get into details, but yeah ..... mid life crisis

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#10

Post by oldguy » Wed Nov 23, 2022 10:48 am

Just jealous since a mid-life crises sounds good about now...I just goes to funerals about every month.

Do shit that makes you happy - especially work. If you enjoy your profession, it's a huge legup on life. Conversely, hating your job is a huge obstacle in fighting through the lows. Keep your overhead low - it allows you more flexibility to make decisions regarding moving/ changing careers.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#11

Post by cgeorg » Wed Nov 23, 2022 11:01 am

oldguy wrote: Wed Nov 23, 2022 10:48 am Just jealous since a mid-life crises sounds good about now...I just goes to funerals about every month.

Do shit that makes you happy - especially work. If you enjoy your profession, it's a huge legup on life. Conversely, hating your job is a huge obstacle in fighting through the lows. Keep your overhead low - it allows you more flexibility to make decisions regarding moving/ changing careers.
Regarding work making you happy... I think a lot of late gen x/early millennials grew up with "follow your passion" and I think that can cause some stress... it is fine to work a job that is not what you love, if it enables you to do what you love. You can find satisfaction in work but I think it's dangerous if it's your only source.

Cal Newport recently had a bit on his podcast about this kind of stuff. I can't quickly find his discussion of the working man supporting his family through do what you love and on to quit quitting type stuff, but this bit is a neat way of turning around thinking from "what job do I want" to "what are the properties my job needs to have so that I can live the life I want to."


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Re: Midlife crisis?

#12

Post by EggMcMuffin » Thu Nov 24, 2022 5:28 am

I'm probably the youngest active poster on this website, but I've kind of been going through a "quarter life" crisis for a while. I'm not looking forward to the mid life one, if I even wind up living that long.

All I've really come to grasp is that life is pain, and the best we can do is find ways to give enough of a shit to keep going. This existence is pretty absurd, I guess bearing witness is enough of a reason.

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Culican
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#13

Post by Culican » Thu Nov 24, 2022 8:11 am

My "quarter life" one lasted until I was 29.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#14

Post by broseph » Thu Nov 24, 2022 8:13 am

The post COVID late stage capitalism stuff definitely sucks. It would also suck to be sex-trafficked or live in a literal warzone.

"Hey, it could always be worse" is an asinine colloquialism, but I think it can remind us that something is always going to suck, so there's not much point in focusing only on the suffering. Accept the suffering, change what you can, and pursue whatever gives you joy and/or satisfaction.

You don't have to love your job, but it can help if it is at least satisfying. Almost every creature has to "work" to survive. Modernity has made our labor more abstractly related to survival, but you can just accept that work is necessary for survival and leisure. Unless your personality type is one that puts a lot of value in your occupation, then chase that thing or you'll go crazy.

Whatever you value only has value because you value it. I'll bet if feels so good every time a squirrel buries an acorn, even though he's going to forget about most of them and none of those acorns matter to anything else in the universe. He's just lucky to have something to feel good about. Find the pointless things that make you feel good; family, fitness, hobbies, reading, watching sportsball, who gives a shit. None of it actually matters, but you're stuck with the instincts to both survive and tickle the feel good parts of your brain. So do that.

Also, nothing is permanent. So even if you value having a hot smart successful wife, you might find yourself divorcing her. And your kids are going to grow up and probably move away and you'll be lucky to see them at holidays. And you're not going to be able to keep benching 405 for the rest of your life. You can still savor the pleasure those things brought you when you had them, and accept it when they change. But you must also change if you want to continue feeling joy and satisfaction.

Alternatively, find masochistic satisfaction in the suffering.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#15

Post by mgil » Thu Nov 24, 2022 8:31 am

💜 @broseph

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#16

Post by DCR » Thu Nov 24, 2022 10:19 am

@broseph, that’s a uniquely great post. I expect to actually mentally refer to it in anxious times.

@EggMcMuffin, have you ever considered starting a blog? I mean for fucks’s sake, the Natty or Not guy gained a following with an initial gimmick and subsequent standard whiny male on the internet shit. You’re 100 times more talented and insightful.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#17

Post by Renascent » Thu Nov 24, 2022 10:58 am

cgeorg wrote: Wed Nov 23, 2022 11:01 amRegarding work making you happy... I think a lot of late gen x/early millennials grew up with "follow your passion" and I think that can cause some stress... it is fine to work a job that is not what you love, if it enables you to do what you love. You can find satisfaction in work but I think it's dangerous if it's your only source.
This post has been stuck in my head for days. Every time I go into my home gym to roll the boulder up the hill, only to come back another time and find it at the bottom again, it brings me a kind of satisfaction that I find it hard to describe to anyone who doesn't already "get it."

And it won't make me rich. Won't get me recognition that I don't necessarily want, and won't prolong life or contribute anything to society at large.

I'll be dead one day, and it won't matter. But I'm not dead yet.
broseph wrote: Thu Nov 24, 2022 8:13 amYou don't have to love your job, but it can help if it is at least satisfying. Almost every creature has to "work" to survive. Modernity has made our labor more abstractly related to survival, but you can just accept that work is necessary for survival and leisure. Unless your personality type is one that puts a lot of value in your occupation, then chase that thing or you'll go crazy.

Whatever you value only has value because you value it. I'll bet if feels so good every time a squirrel buries an acorn, even though he's going to forget about most of them and none of those acorns matter to anything else in the universe. He's just lucky to have something to feel good about. Find the pointless things that make you feel good; family, fitness, hobbies, reading, watching sportsball, who gives a shit. None of it actually matters, but you're stuck with the instincts to both survive and tickle the feel good parts of your brain. So do that.

Also, nothing is permanent. So even if you value having a hot smart successful wife, you might find yourself divorcing her. And your kids are going to grow up and probably move away and you'll be lucky to see them at holidays. And you're not going to be able to keep benching 405 for the rest of your life. You can still savor the pleasure those things brought you when you had them, and accept it when they change. But you must also change if you want to continue feeling joy and satisfaction.

Alternatively, find masochistic satisfaction in the suffering.
Well said.

GeoffBUK
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#18

Post by GeoffBUK » Thu Nov 24, 2022 11:14 am

mbasic wrote: Wed Nov 23, 2022 4:43 am
GeoffBUK wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 3:58 am Anybody experienced mid life turmoil, how'd that resolve, did you ride it out?, get help? medicate?

Male, 45yrs old

My libido was high in my twenties like most men, then settled down in my thirties, at 45 it's through the F**king roof, Which isn't great, lots of itch not much scratch, along with the libido, the restlessness I had in my twenties is back, and I'm starting to wonder if this is what the rest of my life's gonna be, capitalism pushing down the working class standard of living, work eat sleep rinse and repeat, maybe post COVID everybody's in a rut, I dunno

Is this it?
I guess I'm going thru my own midlife crisis as well. Its nice to admit to myself this is whats happening.

50. Just fuck

I don't want to get into details, but yeah ..... mid life crisis
Hope it goes ok for ya, it's a turbulent time, 18 months in and still up and down like a yo-yo

@broseph yes, this! It helps a lot to take pleasure in the small things, hobbies, books, movies, music, walks and wildlife, even comedy that centers around life's struggles, work's just to pay the bills, but gives life some structure/routine I suppose and even cheap hobbies need some funds

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#19

Post by BenM » Fri Nov 25, 2022 3:28 am

My mid life crisis started when I was like 38 I think and now I'm 46 and it's still bloody going. But I've learnt a lot. Started reading this book recently - https://www.amazon.com.au/Midlife-Philo ... 241&sr=8-1 - thinking it'd be interesting, ultimately I did get bored after a few chapters and went onto something else, I have the attention span of a 15 year old with ADHD.

But ultimately I want to distil what I've learnt from that book (and from my own experiences) into one shiny, golden, South Sea pearl of wisdom. You can't find satisfaction in having nice possessions, a job you enjoy, a beautiful wife and kids, all that shit. Life is a process, just like lifting, and while it's nice and satisfying to get to an end goal you've worked hard to achieve, learning to take some satisfaction and pleasure in the process itself seems like the way to find peace in this mayhem.

How to do that is gonna be different for all of us. Me, I found stoicism and try to practice and study it. Memento Mori and all that. Even got it tattooed on my arm to remind me. Don't waste time worrying about shit that doesn't matter, try to live a virtuous life even when nobody's looking, learn to feel your emotions without letting them control you. Am I a boundless font of happiness that brightens the life of all around me? Hell no. But am I happier? I think so. And I think the people around me generally find me a lot easier to be around than my previous neurotic, angry at the world, sometimes brilliant but often explosive self.

But yeah, like... being middle aged is a mixture of regret for the shit you didn't do, nostalgia for the time when life seemed so much easier, exhaustion from the grind that life becomes in this period, and depression about the downhill slide towards old age and eventual death. Dealing with those things is really a matter of coming to terms with the fact that the past can't be changed, the present is just a weird byproduct of your own decisions mixed with fate, and the future can be as good or as bad as you want it to be depending on the attitude you take. If you're gonna die one day you may as well try and enjoy the ride on the way there and not waste too many precious moments on regret and anger. It's easier said than done.

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