Tales from the Office Space: Complain about your coworkers

[Root]

I'll let you in on a secret: your office hottie is you.

[DRice311]

I like changing peoples' keyboards around. Switching the 7-8-9 row with the 1-2-3 row on the number pad is especially fun, since it doesn't look wrong because of phones.

I was planning on doing this to my boss's keyboard but to the letters. Swap every other letter. I could do the number thing to office hottie. Crazy catholic lady is going to get her desk covered in indoor snow, to see if she has a panic attack.

I've done this to one of the clerks in my office. Its amazing how much this screws up your ability to type, lol.

Another fun one (which is easier to pull off), for people who don't know command functions is to do the 'Ctl + Alt + Down Arrow' trick that turns your screen upside down, lmao.

[DRice311]

I don't think you are over-reacting at all brosef. I am the same way, I am usually pretty private about my personal life - someone got wind that I've competed in PL, and now it seems to lead off every meeting I'm in.

[Allentown]

Another fun one (which is easier to pull off), for people who don't know command functions is to do the 'Ctl + Alt + Down Arrow' trick that turns your screen upside down, lmao.

Naw I like Ctrl+Alt+Left

[Wilhelm]

Naw I like Ctrl+Alt+Left

Shugg triggered.

[brkriete]

Honestly, I WISH my coworkers did stuff like that.
I replaced my boss's pics of his kids in his office with pictures of Astronaut Sloth. Not a word was said, ever.
There was a sign on top of the defibrillator right outside one of the bathrooms that said "Nothing on this Device" and I added a post-it note that said "Except this sign" that was taken down within an hour.

Every once in a while someone turns 40 or 50 or something and they put signs up all over the building.

That reminds me, I need to prank crazy catholic lady before she retires, and office hottie.

I like changing peoples' keyboards around. Switching the 7-8-9 row with the 1-2-3 row on the number pad is especially fun, since it doesn't look wrong because of phones. Or switch the '/' and '*'

Zip-tie down convertible standing desks.

Taking the ink out of every pen at someone's desk.

Removing 1 or 2 wheels from 5-wheeled chairs.

Steal all power cords from someone's computer/monitors

Y'know. Fun stuff.

One of my favorites was adding a dongle for a wireless mouse to the back of someone's computer then walking past with the mouse in your pocket every now and then and watching them go crazy trying to figure out why their cursor wouldn't work right.

[brkriete]

Naw I like Ctrl+Alt+Left

Shugg triggered.

The antifa prank!

[MPhelps]

I left a push pin upright on my co-worker's chair once.It was yellow and the chair was red. I figured it was so obvious he would've noticed. Plus I assumed that he would've knocked it over by touching the chair before he sat in it. Instead he comes in and sits down in the most gingerly way. I was saying 'don't sit down!!' as he puts his ass right on it. He lets out a whimper and jumps up. I'm laughing my ass off at the same time I'm mortified that he's going to tell the boss about it. Well he's retired and I have his job now so it worked out in the end.

[MPhelps]

Honestly, I WISH my coworkers did stuff like that.
I replaced my boss's pics of his kids in his office with pictures of Astronaut Sloth. Not a word was said, ever.
There was a sign on top of the defibrillator right outside one of the bathrooms that said "Nothing on this Device" and I added a post-it note that said "Except this sign" that was taken down within an hour.

Every once in a while someone turns 40 or 50 or something and they put signs up all over the building.

That reminds me, I need to prank crazy catholic lady before she retires, and office hottie.

I like changing peoples' keyboards around. Switching the 7-8-9 row with the 1-2-3 row on the number pad is especially fun, since it doesn't look wrong because of phones. Or switch the '/' and '*'

Zip-tie down convertible standing desks.

Taking the ink out of every pen at someone's desk.

Removing 1 or 2 wheels from 5-wheeled chairs.

Steal all power cords from someone's computer/monitors

Y'know. Fun stuff.

change all the radio presets to the same top 40 station

Change the chair heights

Change ringtones on office or cell phones

Take odd pictures with their cell phones and make them wallpapers

Move cars in the lot when they're away from their desk if they leave their keys out

Actually I pretty much did this to the same guy I left the push pin on his chair .

[MPhelps]

Send texts/ call cell phones to people during meetings, especially when they're speaking and you know they always forget to silence them.

Fill their teacup at the buffet to the rim every time they leave the table.

Call their line from a random phone and hang up when they answer.

Turn the lights out in the bathroom while they're using it .

[KyleSchuant]

It seems like folks who have hobbies that they're passionate about generally respect other peoples hobbies or athletic endeavors

Yep. It's like Baker said about professionals being more likely to get a trainer - experts respect expertise. So... people passionate about a hobby, respect the same.

I wish we had an office hottie. Or any under-50 women whatsoever. Not that I want to gawk or creep or anything, but it sucks having an entire demographic completely missing.

What's wrong with gawking? About all I miss from my globogym days is the 9;30am circuit class. As a colleague said, "Milfs galore."

Another fun one (which is easier to pull off), for people who don't know command functions is to do the 'Ctl + Alt + Down Arrow' trick that turns your screen upside down, lmao.

Wow, I didn't know this one. BRB, off to local library to mess with the heads of all the oldies using the computers.

[simonrest]

I have few co workers but a few years ago young female employee brought up how much she hates those family stick figure stickers on people's cars so of course I ordered some and put them on her car where they weren't visible from her rear view mirror.

I've got a new guy starting Monday, he's moving from interstate. Wednesday is a national holiday and I'm going to try telling him our state celebrates this holiday next month and see if he turns up to work

[TimK]

This thread is making glad that I’m self employed and don’t have to work with assholes like you guys.

[omaniphil]

This thread morphed from being tales about annoying coworkers, to tales of how to annoy coworkers.

[Allentown]

I've done the wireless mouse thing already, can't do it again. They would know it was me.

[murphyreedus]

This thread is making glad that I’m self employed and don’t have to work with assholes like you guys.

It's making me glad that I don't have any coworkers in the same state, and work from home 95% of the time.

Don't f with other people's stuff.

[Shane]

Thanks guise. I was afraid I was overreacting. @Allentown one of my "joke lines" on the flyer was to write
"Admission: $200 Event Is Sold Out"

The hard part is going to be dealing with the mean girls if they directly ask me about the flyers. I think if that happens I'll whip out my Agreeableness=0 trait and make them super uncomfortable. One dude saw my initial reaction to the first flyer (it was just the 2 of us in the room) and he was visibly uncomfortable.

Again, I can take a good ribbing. But jeez... I'm glad you guys mostly agree with me.

Yeah if intended in the spirit of meanness the flyer thing is pretty rough. Some people are really bad judges of what other people would like/would be pissed off in regard to though.

Kinda glad for the coworkers at my current gig based on the experiences you're all sharing. Everyone knows I'm a mega-meathead. They're either kindly tolerant or genuinely encouraging. One of my long-term colleagues (going on 12 years) was asking me about what I do and why I'm into getting strong (she'd just started doing sessions with a personal trainer) and we had a chat about strength training and I ended up giving her a link to my youtube vid of squatting 240kg to illustrate. Next day she said she showed it that night to her 8 year old son, and he watched it like 10 times and thought it was awesome. She said he also asked whether "that guy you work with with the big bum is going to be at the Commonwealth Games when we go see it?". Worse things than being the guy with the big bum I guess.

[Chebass88]

I didn't know where else to put this and wanted some input. Spoiler tags used so the thread isn't totally jammed up with my long winded nonsense.

SpoilerShow

I'm usually a very private person, especially with coworkers, to the point of being weird about it. Like really weird about it.

I have a lifting meet next weekend and was scheduled to work that day, so I had to make a switch with a coworker. Said switch involved me telling her why I needed the coverage.

That small leak of information eventually made it to everyone in the department, who is now asking me tons of questions about it. Which is fine, I'm not THAT weird.

The problem: Some of the more meddlesome employees took to the internet, found the meet, and posted joke posters all around the department saying "Come support Broseph!" with the time, venue, and address of the meet, and a picture of some rando weightlifter doing a snatch.

This enrages me.

I feel like the internetting and posting of the time and address is a violation of privacy. I feel like it makes me look pathetic; like I'm asking my coworkers to "support me" by driving 2 hours to some scrub lifting meet (admittedly insecure). Lastly, I don't know how far these people are willing to go to troll someone, and it is possible that the more meddlesome ones might actually show up and bring signs and cheer loudly- and I will completely lose my shit.

For the record, I don't even tell friends and family about meets. And I didn't tell my coworkers about my wife's second pregnancy. I just disappeared for 2 weeks when the baby was born and told them when I got back. Also, I would be 100x less offended if they made posters saying "Broseph eats his own boogers and has a micropenis." Or "Good luck at the meet, hope your onesie fits!" It is specifically the privacy violation and implied consent for invitation that is bothering me.

Question: Am I being a baby, or is this a legitimate thing to be super pissed about and be thinking about constantly for the past 3 days?

Treat it as an opportunity - you now have an audience. Whenever they mention your meet or start busting balls, use the time to begin talking endlessly about lifting. After a while, you’ll earn a reputation for being incredibly boring and you’ll be left alone. And somewhere out in Internet-land, there is a forum of office chuckleheads bitching about that weird guy who ALWAYS talks about Powerlifting.

Selected topics:
- RPE vs. adding weight every time
- Historical figures of powerlifting - Terry Todd, Dave Waddington, Paul Anderson, Lee Moran, Rickey Dale Crain, Bill Kazmaier, etc.
- best deadlift accessory exercises
- equipment - knurling types, bar diameter, materials, etc.

Another alternative is to get some 60d nails at Home Depot and bend them at your desk. Whenever someone stops by, invite them to have a go. While they are attempting it, give them a CT Fletcher-style “F you” look. This has nothing to do with Powerlifting, but is a quick way to demonstrate strength in an office setting.

After a few weeks of this, they will rue the day they opened the lifting can of worms.

[MPhelps]

This thread morphed from being tales about annoying coworkers, to tales of how to annoy coworkers.

I'd just like to add that we were/are friends and it was a two way street. It was all in good spirits.

[Root]

This thread morphed from being tales about annoying coworkers, to tales of how to annoy coworkers.

I'd just like to add that we were/are friends and it was a two way street. It was all in good spirits.

Yeah. I only prank co-workers who I consider friends.