Midlife crisis?

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mbasic
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Re: Midlife crisis?

#21

Post by mbasic » Mon Jan 30, 2023 1:36 pm

not to throw gas on the fire.

but having two kids is kinda depressing in this day and age too.

I constantly worry about their mental health, whether or not they'll be able to get a job/career, etc. Oddly enough, I worry more about my son (16 y.o.) making it ok than the daughter (20 y.o. now). She seems to be doing ok. She has kinda already relegated herself / conceded to not finding a mate, and definitely not having kids (her words).

Sure, i don't let them know I'm worried or whatever. But fuck, the world is suck a shit show right now.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#22

Post by CaptainAwesome » Mon Jan 30, 2023 1:56 pm

GeoffBUK wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 3:58 am Anybody experienced mid life turmoil, how'd that resolve, did you ride it out?, get help? medicate?

Male, 45yrs old

My libido was high in my twenties like most men, then settled down in my thirties, at 45 it's through the F**king roof, Which isn't great, lots of itch not much scratch, along with the libido, the restlessness I had in my twenties is back, and I'm starting to wonder if this is what the rest of my life's gonna be, capitalism pushing down the working class standard of living, work eat sleep rinse and repeat, maybe post COVID everybody's in a rut, I dunno

Is this it?
I started to freak out a bit at 35, and honestly, my life wasn't on the best trajectory. I had just kinda punched out of participating in the world for the most part, and never thought of actually having a life or future. One of the things I fixated on a lot was my body deteriorating, and I thought "damn, I've gotta do something about this." I'd tried to figure lifting out when I was younger and never quite got it right, and since I was gonna turn 40 soon, I thought that'd be the end of any chance for me to get strong. Of course, now I know better than that. There are hella strong dudes out there over 40.

Lifting helps to keep me sane, and no matter how fucked it gets out there trying to deal with the working world, I know in the gym it's the work that pays off, not political bullshit or connections. You can't scam the weight into going up for you with a fraudulent resume, and it doesn't care who your dad is. It's not going to pass you over for gains because of some ridiculous reason. All in all, most guys end up buying a stupid sports car or something when they fall into a midlife crisis, I developed a bunch of ever-increasing barbell lifts and an improving body that's stronger than it ever was instead. Not a bad outcome, I think.
mbasic wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 1:36 pm I constantly worry about their mental health, whether or not they'll be able to get a job/career, etc. Oddly enough, I worry more about my son (16 y.o.) making it ok than the daughter (20 y.o. now). She seems to be doing ok. She has kinda already relegated herself / conceded to not finding a mate, and definitely not having kids (her words).

Sure, i don't let them know I'm worried or whatever. But fuck, the world is suck a shit show right now.
I know that feeling. Don't have any kids, but I worry even about myself, let alone any kids I may have in the future. Things are god-awful and show no sign of improvement. Things like this have happened in history though, and eventually people get fed up enough and something changes. Just hope it's not something like the French Revolution.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#23

Post by heidikay » Mon Jan 30, 2023 5:51 pm


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Re: Midlife crisis?

#24

Post by CaptainAwesome » Mon Jan 30, 2023 6:11 pm

Just the optimistic bit of writing I needed today. Thanks.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#25

Post by CheekiBreekiFitness » Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:10 am

CaptainAwesome wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 1:56 pm
GeoffBUK wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 3:58 am Anybody experienced mid life turmoil, how'd that resolve, did you ride it out?, get help? medicate?

Male, 45yrs old

My libido was high in my twenties like most men, then settled down in my thirties, at 45 it's through the F**king roof, Which isn't great, lots of itch not much scratch, along with the libido, the restlessness I had in my twenties is back, and I'm starting to wonder if this is what the rest of my life's gonna be, capitalism pushing down the working class standard of living, work eat sleep rinse and repeat, maybe post COVID everybody's in a rut, I dunno

Is this it?
I started to freak out a bit at 35, and honestly, my life wasn't on the best trajectory. I had just kinda punched out of participating in the world for the most part, and never thought of actually having a life or future. One of the things I fixated on a lot was my body deteriorating, and I thought "damn, I've gotta do something about this." I'd tried to figure lifting out when I was younger and never quite got it right, and since I was gonna turn 40 soon, I thought that'd be the end of any chance for me to get strong. Of course, now I know better than that. There are hella strong dudes out there over 40.

Lifting helps to keep me sane, and no matter how fucked it gets out there trying to deal with the working world, I know in the gym it's the work that pays off, not political bullshit or connections. You can't scam the weight into going up for you with a fraudulent resume, and it doesn't care who your dad is. It's not going to pass you over for gains because of some ridiculous reason. All in all, most guys end up buying a stupid sports car or something when they fall into a midlife crisis, I developed a bunch of ever-increasing barbell lifts and an improving body that's stronger than it ever was instead. Not a bad outcome, I think.
mbasic wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 1:36 pm I constantly worry about their mental health, whether or not they'll be able to get a job/career, etc. Oddly enough, I worry more about my son (16 y.o.) making it ok than the daughter (20 y.o. now). She seems to be doing ok. She has kinda already relegated herself / conceded to not finding a mate, and definitely not having kids (her words).

Sure, i don't let them know I'm worried or whatever. But fuck, the world is suck a shit show right now.
I know that feeling. Don't have any kids, but I worry even about myself, let alone any kids I may have in the future. Things are god-awful and show no sign of improvement. Things like this have happened in history though, and eventually people get fed up enough and something changes. Just hope it's not something like the French Revolution.
We got fed up of a totalitarian king (Louis 16), and replaced him by a totalitarian emperor (Napoleon) who set the whole of Europe on fire. So yeah let's hope it's not like the Revolution indeed.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#26

Post by CaptainAwesome » Tue Jan 31, 2023 7:22 am

CheekiBreekiFitness wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:10 am We got fed up of a totalitarian king (Louis 16), and replaced him by a totalitarian emperor (Napoleon) who set the whole of Europe on fire. So yeah let's hope it's not like the Revolution indeed.
Shit, I wasn't even thinking about Napoleon, I was thinking about the more immediate nightmare of the post-revolution government and the terror. That's the thing about revolution, it's a clean slate, and you get unlimited potential for both good and bad. Historically, I see a lot of parallels between the current situation with NATO/"The West" and the transition from the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire, particularly here in the US. I'll stop though, this isn't a politics thread.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#27

Post by hector » Tue Jan 31, 2023 6:29 pm

CaptainAwesome wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 7:22 am
CheekiBreekiFitness wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:10 am We got fed up of a totalitarian king (Louis 16), and replaced him by a totalitarian emperor (Napoleon) who set the whole of Europe on fire. So yeah let's hope it's not like the Revolution indeed.
Shit, I wasn't even thinking about Napoleon, I was thinking about the more immediate nightmare of the post-revolution government and the terror. That's the thing about revolution, it's a clean slate, and you get unlimited potential for both good and bad. Historically, I see a lot of parallels between the current situation with NATO/"The West" and the transition from the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire, particularly here in the US. I'll stop though, this isn't a politics thread.
I’d like to read your thoughts on this, whether here or another thread.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#28

Post by CaptainAwesome » Wed Feb 01, 2023 9:04 am

hector wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 6:29 pm
CaptainAwesome wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 7:22 am
CheekiBreekiFitness wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:10 am We got fed up of a totalitarian king (Louis 16), and replaced him by a totalitarian emperor (Napoleon) who set the whole of Europe on fire. So yeah let's hope it's not like the Revolution indeed.
Shit, I wasn't even thinking about Napoleon, I was thinking about the more immediate nightmare of the post-revolution government and the terror. That's the thing about revolution, it's a clean slate, and you get unlimited potential for both good and bad. Historically, I see a lot of parallels between the current situation with NATO/"The West" and the transition from the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire, particularly here in the US. I'll stop though, this isn't a politics thread.
I’d like to read your thoughts on this, whether here or another thread.
In short, study the conflicts between the optimates and the populares. You should see a number of parallels. Optimates were essentially the more aristocratic "status quo" that insisted upon itself and felt minimally accountable to the public. Populares were, as you might guess, populists. We are at a point where this divide is starting to emerge in many of our own governments, for a number of reasons.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#29

Post by BostonRugger » Wed Feb 01, 2023 10:50 am

CaptainAwesome wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 9:04 am
hector wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 6:29 pm
CaptainAwesome wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 7:22 am
CheekiBreekiFitness wrote: Tue Jan 31, 2023 12:10 am We got fed up of a totalitarian king (Louis 16), and replaced him by a totalitarian emperor (Napoleon) who set the whole of Europe on fire. So yeah let's hope it's not like the Revolution indeed.
Shit, I wasn't even thinking about Napoleon, I was thinking about the more immediate nightmare of the post-revolution government and the terror. That's the thing about revolution, it's a clean slate, and you get unlimited potential for both good and bad. Historically, I see a lot of parallels between the current situation with NATO/"The West" and the transition from the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire, particularly here in the US. I'll stop though, this isn't a politics thread.
I’d like to read your thoughts on this, whether here or another thread.
In short, study the conflicts between the optimates and the populares. You should see a number of parallels. Optimates were essentially the more aristocratic "status quo" that insisted upon itself and felt minimally accountable to the public. Populares were, as you might guess, populists. We are at a point where this divide is starting to emerge in many of our own governments, for a number of reasons.
Sorry for doing this to the thread, but one of my favorite historical tidbits is Sulla being bankrolled by inheritance from a wealthy prostitute who had apparently fallen in love with him. /romeposting

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#30

Post by CaptainAwesome » Thu Feb 02, 2023 1:11 pm

BostonRugger wrote: Wed Feb 01, 2023 10:50 am Sorry for doing this to the thread, but one of my favorite historical tidbits is Sulla being bankrolled by inheritance from a wealthy prostitute who had apparently fallen in love with him. /romeposting
Rome has a lot of interesting bits to it that can inform the way we run today's republics. For example, if you ever find yourself in an argument with a hardcore libertarian who insists private enterprise will always be preferable to government providing a service, bring up Marcus Licinius Crassus' wonderful privately-owned Roman fire brigade. It's a shame even basic knowledge of history is fading from the populace even worse than the STEM knowledge we keep hearing about needing so desperately. We are in for a lot of repeats of historical mistakes in the future, with potentially much higher stakes thanks to our more advanced and interconnected world.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#31

Post by GeoffBUK » Sun Feb 05, 2023 6:57 am

EricK wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 11:23 am I wish I could add something helpful or insightful to this thread, but I'm just another guy about to hit 40 and utterly dissatisfied with myself and the future. I can't diagnose myself but if depression is worse than how I feel at times, I understand why people kill themselves. I saw a Norm McDonald short recently where his joke was, basically: " you hear about someone committing suicide and all these people say, 'I don't understand,' I always think, 'Really? You don't understand why someone would want to relieve themselves of the agonizing disappointment that is our life?'"
In a kinda dark way, I like this quote! :)

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#32

Post by hector » Sun Feb 05, 2023 12:38 pm

EricK wrote: Mon Jan 30, 2023 11:23 am I wish I could add something helpful or insightful to this thread, but I'm just another guy about to hit 40 and utterly dissatisfied with myself and the future. I can't diagnose myself but if depression is worse than how I feel at times, I understand why people kill themselves. I saw a Norm McDonald short recently where his joke was, basically: "Whenever you hear about someone committing suicide and all these people say, 'I don't understand,' I always think, 'Really? You don't understand why someone would want to relieve themselves of the agonizing disappointment that is our life?'"
I get it, man.
Neither of us ever hit that 405 front squat. :-(
OTOH, you have a kid, a career, military service. You’re already in the top 25% for accomplishing shit among American males.

I teeter between a dread on one hand fueled by my repeating micro-level personal/professional failures and then, on the other hand, my macro-level concerns that the world is on a poor trajectory with nobody competent and well-meaning in a position to take the wheel.

I think part of this reflects reality. And part of this is just hitting your 40s. I don’t know anything useful I could tell you. I could tell you I’m a little happier when I keep my world small, do my best in that tiny realm where I have influence to exert, and accept as stoically as possible that this bigger story going on, that isn’t mine to tell or change, may well have a shitty ending preceded by some painful speed bumps.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#33

Post by Lisafit » Wed Feb 15, 2023 9:24 pm

live vicariously through your friends :-0

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#34

Post by KyleSchuant » Wed Feb 15, 2023 10:34 pm

I had a directionless 20s, and a stagnant 30s. After that I became a husband, father and trainer, and things looked up for me. Basically: as soon as I started thinking of other people's welfare and taking joy from their joy and growth, I felt better. It sounds schmalzy I know, but it's true. And I'm certainly not claiming to some virtuous unselfishness.

The Harvard Grant study written up in Triumphs of the Spirit and the Bluezones guys come to essentially the same conclusions, it's the intimate, family and community connections that make our lives better and longer.

There's this Chabad rabbi in our neighbourhood, and the Chabad are these super-devout Jews who are all, "we support you whatever your level of observance." So they're constantly reaching out and dropping off little kits for the religious holidays, inviting people to Friday night dinner, organising community events, helping the poorer Jewish people in the neighbourhood, and so on and so forth. And he has seven kids, five of whom are old enough for him to homeschool. I can't see him having a midlife crisis - his purpose is really obvious to him, and if he spends even a day sitting around feeling glum someone or other in the community will notice and kick his arse to move him along, even if his wife doesn't.

Few of us will be that gutsy. But we live for other people. Midlife crisis is a modern invention, it comes with the social atomisation of the modern world. A farmer in a combine harvester in 1,000 acres, or an office drone in their cubicle can be socially isolated, the farmer hoeing their beans in 1 acre or the scribe in the monastery couldn't be, even with his vow of silence.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#35

Post by TurtleBear » Thu Feb 16, 2023 3:59 am

KyleSchuant wrote: Wed Feb 15, 2023 10:34 pm I had a directionless 20s, and a stagnant 30s. After that I became a husband, father and trainer, and things looked up for me. Basically: as soon as I started thinking of other people's welfare and taking joy from their joy and growth, I felt better. It sounds schmalzy I know, but it's true. And I'm certainly not claiming to some virtuous unselfishness.

The Harvard Grant study written up in Triumphs of the Spirit and the Bluezones guys come to essentially the same conclusions, it's the intimate, family and community connections that make our lives better and longer.

There's this Chabad rabbi in our neighbourhood, and the Chabad are these super-devout Jews who are all, "we support you whatever your level of observance." So they're constantly reaching out and dropping off little kits for the religious holidays, inviting people to Friday night dinner, organising community events, helping the poorer Jewish people in the neighbourhood, and so on and so forth. And he has seven kids, five of whom are old enough for him to homeschool. I can't see him having a midlife crisis - his purpose is really obvious to him, and if he spends even a day sitting around feeling glum someone or other in the community will notice and kick his arse to move him along, even if his wife doesn't.

Few of us will be that gutsy. But we live for other people. Midlife crisis is a modern invention, it comes with the social atomisation of the modern world. A farmer in a combine harvester in 1,000 acres, or an office drone in their cubicle can be socially isolated, the farmer hoeing their beans in 1 acre or the scribe in the monastery couldn't be, even with his vow of silence.
+1

I have four children with a potential 5th in the works. Same deal with the homeschooling ((My wife mostly)).
The more you go outside of yourself, the better things always are.

When I was going through a midlife crisis @KringJ recommended that I read Dante's Comedy. It's the ultimate story of the midlife crisis and I couldn't recommend it enough. Dorothy Sayers translation isn't bad, and her notes are indispensable. Helped me to really understand my place in the world.

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Re: Midlife crisis?

#36

Post by Culican » Fri Apr 14, 2023 7:16 pm

TurtleBear wrote: Thu Feb 16, 2023 3:59 am
When I was going through a midlife crisis @KringJ recommended that I read Dante's Comedy. It's the ultimate story of the midlife crisis and I couldn't recommend it enough. Dorothy Sayers translation isn't bad, and her notes are indispensable. Helped me to really understand my place in the world.
Thanks for this! I bought the Mandelbaum translation on Kindle and have started reading it; it has an introduction before each chapter and notes at the end of each, which are very helpful. I was looking at some other translations and found a comparison of the famous passage at the gates of hell.

Mandelbaum:
"BEFORE ME NOTHING BUT ETERNAL THINGS
WERE MADE, AND I ENDURE ETERNALLY.
ABANDON EVERY HOPE, ALL WHO ENTER HERE."

Pinsky:
"BEFORE ME NOT ETERNAL; ETERNAL I REMAIN.
ABANDON ALL HOPE, YOU WHO ENTER HERE."

It's this last translation that intrigues me though. It is available on Kindle. I may get it and read it and Mandelbaum in parallel.
Clive James:
"FROM NOW ON, EVERY DAY FEELS LIKE YOUR LAST
FOREVER. LET THAT BE YOUR GREATEST FEAR.
YOUR FUTURE NOW IS TO REGRET THE PAST.
FORGET YOUR HOPES. THEY WERE WHAT BROUGHT YOU HERE."

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