Bobby Got Back ...

[bobmen10000]

38, M, really fat (276 lbs) 5'10"
PRs as of 2020
Bench - 325
Deadlift - 565
Squat - 460
Press - 205

Since I want to read the shitposting and am now required to post x number of times, here is my log. It is sad. I am a novice who did not do the program, took 18 months off, gained a copious amount of weight, attempted 531, decided it was too hard and now am fucking around. For joy.

2018 Goals: Lose 40 pounds (epic fail), bench 300, deadlift 500 - (success on these 2), learn how to squat/reteach myself how to seat/change my anthropometry - (success kind of, still suck at squatting just less so)

2/5/18
Bench 225 1x5, 235 1x5, 245 1x5<br/>
Squat Safety Bar 315 1x5, 1x3, 1x3 (videoed warmup set, realized I can't squat. I fold up like a broken french whore suffering from osteoporosis and scoliosis. Spent the next hour post video review doing air squats. After trying every cue in Starting Strength, Juggernaut Strength, Bodybuilding.com, pornhub and from my girlfriend, I came to the conclusion I suck, don't even know how to sit properly in a chair and am "built funny" per the ever-helpful girlfriend.

2/6/18
Air Squats - more than a 100, less than a 1000. Using a hip circle sort of helped. Not really. My squat looks like a cross between a good morning and blue whale birthing.

2/7/18
Bench 235 2x5, 245 1x5, 275 1x (sort of, lift out partner thought I was crushed under weight and tried to help before I asked; kind of completed a half rep after I told him I was fine, stop it, don't touch me anymore daddy.)
Deadlift 315 1x5
RDL 225 1x5
Pendlay Row 145 1x5, 165 1x5, 185 1x5 (too much weight, cheated a good bit, did not use supine grip, will do better next time coach.)
Tricep Extensions, weight unknown because I was using the baby ez curl bar, it was like half size made the 10s I put on it looks big by comparison - may start using really small bars from now on to make light weights look heavy.


Plan tonight: fat man cardio circuit consisting of short handled farmers carries, hex bar deadlifts, viking press, kettlebell swings & snatches and ball slams (key triple extension for the uncoordinated and weak.)

[Wilhelm]

Welcome to the site, @bobmen10000!

Thank you for adding your log here.

There are tried and true ways to lose weight.
I lost 50lbs late 2016 early 2017.

You chose a good place. Good to have you here.

[bobmen10000]

@Wilhelm

Thanks for the warm welcome

2/8/18

Did not do cardio or lift. Ate cookies and drank chocolate milk instead. Took nap soon thereafter.

Excited to learn that my belt squat machine is almost ready. Probably a waste of money but will reinforce good form and I decided to treat myself after spending thousands of dollars on stupid family shit. Poor in wallet but rich in accessory exercise equipment.

Plan on doing the press and viking press tonight. We will see. Still really fat. Go figure.

[bobmen10000]

2/9/18

Strict Press 115 3x5, 135 1x4 - first real press in a month. Did not hurt terribly much; form was a little shaky, had problems with lockout in part because I am only an inch or so from hitting ceiling beams.

Squat - worked on form with minimal weight. Forgot to wear shorts, hard to squat in khakis. Stripped down to underwear, took off shirt because why not. Took video for form check, considered sharing video with GF, decided did not want to risk contents being leaked to German chubby boy fetish tubes. Deleted video. World is a lesser place.

Squats Rows & Rope Pulls with Sled, finished with Farmer Walks.

[laikabear]

Did not do cardio or lift. Ate cookies and drank chocolate milk instead. Took nap soon thereafter.

This made me laugh.

Welcome!

And don't be such a tease. Post the undies video!!!

[bobmen10000]

Deadlift 365x3, 405x3, 425x1, 445x1 (PR without straps), 455x1 straps, 405x1 almost tipped over to my left, was nearly 8" higher on one side, managed to lockout, small woman gave me dirty look. I finished up with really light 1x5 sets of RDL, Snatch Grip Deads and Sumo.

Bench 225 x3,4,5 - original plan was to do 3x3 but the best-laid plans of men who can't count. Eccentric is giving me difficulty on first rep, not sure why. I pause way too long, not really on purpose I just lose focus and think about butterfly wings and Bridget the Midget (don't google her.)

Completed my aborted attempt at strength training with lat pull downs - close,wide & supine, seated pulls and face pulls.

[Wilhelm]

Strapless PRs and little women!

Winning happening here!

[bobmen10000]

I just checked my site rankings according to wilks and body weight. I am both one of the weakest and fattest members. It is humbling and great honor to be top ten in body weight. Here is to consuming copious amounts of cake, pizza and boxed wine to see if I can move up. #gameificationofdiabetes

[Wilhelm]

#AskMeAboutKeto

#ReverseDiabetes

[bobmen10000]

Bench 1x5 225, 1x5 235, 1x5 245 (I looked up mid-set into a teenage boy crotch. He thought I was struggling; I was just power grunting. Nice young man.) 1x3 255 (rep pr) 1x7 225 (thought about AMRAP then decided I wanted to pee more.)

Squat 3x5 225, 2x5 275 (using Manta Ray), 1x3 275, 1x4 225

Bench felt good. 255 felt fairly easy, had less difficulty with it than lower weights - sans boy crotch probably helped; eccentric was actually controlled and remained tight through set. Squat is atrocious. Too many cues in my head - none seem right. I can't tell if I am weak, really inflexible or just psyched out at this point concerning depth. Breathing is better though, should use belt.

[bobmen10000]

Circuit of Viking Press (100 lbs), Kettle Swings 1.5 Poods, Sled Squat Pulls & Rope Pulls 10 yards or so, Hex Bar Deadlift 145 lbs and 20lb Ball Slams.

10, 8, 6, 4 was the rep scheme for each exercise, save for sled which was constant distance. I was very worn out because I have the conditioning of a morbidly obese walrus.

Tried to do lying triceps extensions after circuit was over, felt tightness in right side of the chest and went nope. Exercise over, day off tomorrow.

[mgil]

You’re not as fat as me!

[bobmen10000]

Give it time. I hope to move up the fat ass rankings. And you are significantly stronger than me, so you don't even have to resort to sitting on me to win a fight.

[bobmen10000]

Strange day:

Had a sport's massage today. Second time with the lady. It is on the up and up, located in a chiropractors office (assuming you think that profession is on the up-and-up) with a licensed professional but today was kind of weird. She sort of held my hands, each at separate points, for thirty seconds . Kind of like a first date, tepid hand hold, no real pressure or adjustment. Didn't seem to serve any purpose. I found it off-putting but I didn't know how to broach the subject. Also, I am pretty sure her hair was rubbing my back for a good portion of the massage, which meant her face was really close to my back, again not sure why that would be the case. It was supposed to be back only, primarily my shoulders; however, there was a good deal of butt rubbing too. To be fair, I have a very large and glorious ass, one which is rubbed (un)intentionally by a variety of peoples, objects and animals, most likely due to its breadth and size.

I plan on carefully broaching this subject with the girlfriend, figure I will start with: "Honey, guess what? The massage lady rubbed my ass, we sort of held hands too and I think she exfoliated my back with her hair. How was work?"

[bobmen10000]

Bench 3x5 225. Slingshot Bench 1x7 225, 1x10 225, 1x7 225

First time using a slingshot in a couple years. Need to practice. Had a decent amount of pain in my left elbow just wearing the slingshot, did not bother me when actually benching. Wanted to do 3x10 but ran out of steam on first and last set.

Regular bench was shit. Felt extremely heavy. Almost failed off the chest for the first rep in each set, was hoping for the teenager crotch to save me but to no avail, only I am here in the basement gym/dungeon. Eccentric is still mystifying to me. Had trouble lowering warm up set of 185, either crashes to my chest or it goes down slower than a partially paralyzed Australian prostitute. My forearms and triceps are burning right now. Decided to forego tricep extensions again. I pick up my belt squat machine tomorrow, will use it in lieu of actually progressing in real squats in next session.

Still very fat. FYI: Don't eat at buffets frequented only by the elderly. Food was extremely bland and straight out of the microwave. Threw up in my mouth after first set today, assuming due to food and fatty-going-on-full-in-need-of-replacement-liver. Glad I stopped at 5 plates.

[bobmen10000]

SSB 225 x 3; 275 x2; 225x1
Belt Squat Machine (first time using) 50 3x10, 100 3x10 (the movement is really awkward, probably because squatting is awkward for me. Don't really like the included belt, might buy a spud one to replace it. Much more difficult to do than a normal or safety bar squat. Need to figure out a way to weigh it down, sat down pretty far in a squat and shifted the machine a foot my direction. Fun to use though, am excited for further mishaps.

[bobmen10000]

Dead 1x365, 405, 425, 430, 405; RDL 7x185, 6x185, 8x185.
Bench 225x3

Felt tired and weak. Did singles and heavier volume on RDL than the usual. Wanted to do 225x10+. Did not work out, not at all. Failure is good. Strength is overrated, like Black Panther which was a good but not great movie.

[bobmen10000]

Bench 205 2x5, 1x10; Slingshot 225x5, 235x5, 275x3
Squat 225 2x3, 275 1x3

A shitload of belt squats. It is much more difficult to use than a leg press. Depending on the angle, it takes 6 total plates or more to make me sweat doing x10 reps on a leg press; two 45s and I was dying on the belt squat, the belt doesn't fit though, need to buy a spud one I think.

[bobmen10000]

It was such a beautiful day that I took advantage of working for myself and left the office early - fuck you boss. Thank Donald Trump, God, and cow farts (no necessarily in that order) for the unseasonably warm weather in central Ohio. 75 degrees, partly cloudy and a just a hint of a breeze, if not for the ugly children and duck shit it would have been a most perfect walk on the bike path. 4 miles later, I decided to head to the gym for deadlifts. Not the best idea for a morbidly obese man with conditioning & mobility issues.

Both platforms were taken by friends who were seemingly doing RDLs in tandem. Tried a few press sets while waiting.

Press 135 2x2, 115 2x2
Deadlift 315 3x3, 365 3x3, 415 1x2 - bar didn't float nearly as much. Brought my stance in an inch and kept my toes almost straight.
Lat pulldowns and triceps pushdowns.

[bobmen10000]

Bench 215 5x3, Slingshot 225 1x5, 235 1x5, 245 1x5.

Had trouble with the eccentric on half the lifts, end up what basically amounted to a pin press from the safeties as I lost some arch.